Hoc ludum est stercore

I try to avoid the worst games possible and try even harder to not write reviews for bad games because life is too short to be wasted on them. But once in awhile a title will come along that critics have an obligation to warn other about for being a crime against fandom.

For the most part; I was satisfied with Metal Gear Survive having the honor of being “Worst Game of 2018“. But then comes Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery and now I’m conflicted as which one is the worst. Both of these titles are an insult to their source material, both are cheap cash grabs and both are among the laziest games developed.

The only real question is who will take the top spot? Also – just to avoid any confession, Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery is not the highly anticipated AR experiences from Niantics. That is Wizards United and it’s still in development.

Set before the events of the book, Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery has players take on the role of a new student at the iconic wizard school. Players must learn new skills and work to advance the interest of their respected Houses, also there is something about a missing traitor brother (this part of the plot is forgettable). Players will encounter their favorite professors while also meeting new characters.

In terms of gameplay – its just your standard dull mobile game that has players tapping the screen. You tap the screen to move along, collect three different currencies and wave your magic wand to cast a spell. Basically, the gameplay is the same generic freemuim crap seen in all the other freemuim “games”. Players have a limited amount of currency and so they are encouraged to buy more with real cash. The only thing they do right is the soundtrack, which make the the “game” feel less like a slot machine.

A freemuim title based on the Harry Potter lore is already an insult to fans but the final straw comes some time into game when your character is being strangled by Devil’s Snare and players are given the choice of either pay for gems or wait for 30 mins. That is correct, the game is literally holding your character hostage unless you pay it money or wait. At a time when their is a massive revolt against the concept of microtransactions, this has to be one of the most disgusting use of the practice.

Most game developers and publishers looked at the controversy regarding Battlefront II as a learning experience on how not to upset the fan base of a respected story. Jam City looked at the controversy and said “hold my beer”.

It’s obvious that the team that worked on this “game” are not real gamers or fans of the series, they can’t even be described as filthy casuals. This is not a game that one could look back on and learn from, this is the kind of abomination that should make anyone who worked on it to consider “drinking bleach” as an alternative career choice.

After thinking it over, Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery is truly the worst game of 2018 for defiling one of the greatest cultural works and its scumbag microtransaction system.

Final Score: 0/10

Please note that this is one of the rare moments that I have ever given a 0/10 to a game.

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9 Comments »

  1. “This is the kind of abomination that should make anyone who worked on it to consider “drinking bleach” as an alternative career choice.”

    Seriously! It’s just a video game, what is wrong with you?

  2. Telling someone to drink bleech, what the fuck is wrong with you? Its just a game, its not so awful that someone needs to kill themselves for it. This the kind of toxic behavior is why I stop being a gamer.

  3. Excpet for telling the fakes to drink bleach, this review was too soft. This game is shit and anyone worked on it deserves to doxed!

  4. According to Google, “Hoc ludum est stercore” is Latin for “this game is shit”. Perfect description.

  5. If I was the author of a book and a game this bad was made based on it, I would shit on the game any chance I got. As a big fan of Harry Potter I feel betrayed.

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